Section 3: Social inequalities

I always knew when he came home, the house went quiet. When I look back and people say 'you had adverse childhood experiences' I say 'that was how it was for us.'

My dad was a drinker and a workaholic. In his own way he was managing his own demons, the loss of his own father to suicide, the pressure to keep a roof over the family and food on the table and managing his mood swings. His relationship with my mum would now be termed as abusive, we never knew how it would be when he came home.

He wanted everything done in a certain way, he controlled mum's life and ours. I remember mum saying don't upset your father, go upstairs and hide, he is just tired, he loves you really. I remember when he hit me with a slipper for breaking a window and mum coming afterwards to tell me it was okay, that he still loved me, and it wasn't my fault. I remember when he shouted at mum and we tried to get in the way to protect her.

When dad left us, mum struggled to keep us together, she worked long hours and I cooked and looked after my sisters, we were survivors. At that time having no father was still shameful, but to us it was a joy.

What does all this mean:

I dropped out of sixth form and moved in with the first bloke who would have me. I ran wild, drank too much, slept around, took drugs and did things that I look back on with horror.

It means that I am afraid of confrontation, I literally feel sick if someone shouts near me or at me. I have lived with depression and fear and guilt for many years and needed the support of mental health services.

My early life shaped who I am and gave me challenges but it did not stop me finding a good husband and I have a good life. I was able to rebuild my education; have good jobs and I have used my experience to help others.

After many years I even got to know my dad as a person. His relationship with his second wife was very different. Life moves on.